I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
