Little spoons don't ask big questions
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
