also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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