can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
