she looked like the before picture.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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