i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
