and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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