woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
