I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
