shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
