Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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