i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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