erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
