is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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