Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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