i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We don't watch enough power rangers
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
