I think i peed on brittanys purse
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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