True but thats because hes a fetus.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize