no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
