I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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