sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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