NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
