You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
