Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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