she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
