Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
