She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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