is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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