So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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