I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
this hospital has no fireball
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
