I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
