and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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