i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
where does the pee come out of this thing
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
