I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
