It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
