Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
