I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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