How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
