you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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