He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You're like the curious george of whores
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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