one might say we're banned from that church
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
