I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
