He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Vodka?
Forever.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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