It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
