I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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