just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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