You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Randomize
