watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
