i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
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