On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
