Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Can I color on your dick again?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
