Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
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