Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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