Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize