Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
