I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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