Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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