She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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