Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize