I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
