I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
