I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
