at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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