Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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