She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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