no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
