my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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