forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
