Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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